Four weeks

Four weeks from tomorrow, you will be having your third surgery.  It’s hard to explain, when you have such a visible issue that so obviously needs to be “fixed”, how incredibly hard it is to watch you go through these surgeries.  Logically, it “has” to be done.  But logic has no bearing on the extreme emotions that I feel when I hand over my baby to strange medical staff, to be taken into an operating room, under anesthesia, separated from the caretakers she knows and loves, to be cut apart and painstakingly pieced back together, and then to see you awake in recovery, hurting, confused, groggy, unrecognizing.  The beneficial outcome doesn’t diminish the pain and fear of the surgery in the slightest when you are in the moment, facing your child.  And having been through this twice, I know this now.  I know how incredibly hard this is going to be, how it feels like my heart is breaking in two to see you in pain and frustrated and upset and struggling.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. 300poundsdown
    May 10, 2012 @ 20:34:33

    Oh my goodneess. This is heart wrenching. I am so sorry you and your baby have to go through this. I can understand how much it hurts to hand your baby away to medical staff. Oh this is painful to even read. I hope it goes well!!!

    Reply

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